InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "my Flame burns bright!"

lilsoulbigworld (lilsoulbigworld) wrote,
@ 2008-05-12 23:03:00

thoughts upon hearing nothing
He was mine. He was mine and now he's not. They were all mine, and they slipped through my fingers like sand on a beach.

She doesn't hear but she sees and thinks and knows and moves and does. Sometimes it's just too much.

Heartbeats irregular. One. Two. Eight. Sixty-four. Squares of numbers are not triangular. Triangular numbers are the best kind - make sense. Three-sided. Make sense.

No more sense.

Hands. Fingers. Fingernails. Imperfect. Keratin. Calcium. Teeth.

He has perfect teeth.

He was mine. He was mine and now he's not.

(Post a new comment)

	my_private_life 2008-05-13 03:28 am UTC (link)
	Um. Are you okay? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-05-17 02:39 am UTC (link)
	She is a beginning and an end and the answers to all questions. There is no good, no bad, no dark, no light... everything is the same, everything is one, circular, triangular numbers. Gray. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	franksunderland 2008-05-13 03:39 am UTC (link)
	... Let us know if you need any help, Miss. I... I'm sorry if you've lost someone. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-05-17 02:40 am UTC (link)
	We all lose people. It's just a question of the type of loss, the place where they were standing the last time you saw them, the things they said, the sound of their voice like your heartbeat. So many of us are lost, even those of us standing right in front of you. Loss isn't one thing, it's a million different dimensions. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	franksunderland 2008-05-17 06:36 pm UTC (link)
	Well, that's true, Miss. You can lose people who are still there. It happened all the time, back where I'm from. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-05-25 04:02 am UTC (link)
	She doesn't think we lost him on purpose. No one ever does. No one wants to admit loss. Doesn't reflect well on people skills. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

franksunderland
2008-05-25 04:07 am UTC (link)

[Private to lilsoulbigworld]I lost my wife... and my son... and now I think I lost someone else... but I never had any people skills.

Maybe I shouldn't talk that way. Besides, maybe it's not what you're talking about. Sometimes I'm not sure what you mean, no offense, miss, but this I might understand.

Have you ever read that poem, though, The Art of Losing? Maybe they don't have it where you're from, but I read it.[/Private]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-05-25 04:13 am UTC (link)
	She doesn't believe in poetry. It's a waste of space and words. So many things could be so much more clearly communicated. She admits it's hard to admit to misssing the people you're closest to. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	franksunderland 2008-05-25 04:17 am UTC (link)
	[Private]My wife... would disagree with that. But that's all right. Who did you... she... lose? Maybe you'd rather not say.[/Private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

lilsoulbigworld
2008-05-25 04:24 am UTC (link)

[Private]She... she... I lost everybody important. ~~She~~ I lost them and she didn't even know it.

One minute they were there and she - I - could touch them and know them and smell them and hear them and laugh at their jokes and dance with them, stepping on their feet, and the next minute they were gone.

It's funny how life - and death, especially - are far too ephemeral for any real knowledge or exploration.

Your wife... why did she like poetry?[/Private]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

franksunderland
2008-05-25 04:33 am UTC (link)

[Private]

I'm sorry you lost so many. I truly am, Miss. And death -- I read about the supernatural but I'll never understand death, or why people go... I don't even know if my son is dead, back there on Earth.

But I talk about myself too much. It's... like it's a wrong thing, that they can be there one minute and gone the next. I'm sorry for you and your... folks, who you lost. People here... they're nice, if you ever meet them. It helps... well, I can't say what would help you.

Oh, and Judith used to say "I see something, and it's like it's stuck in my head, and if choose the right words I can show everything it made me think of. Even if people read it and see something completely different, and they never know." [/Private]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-06-08 03:37 am UTC (link)
	[Private] Earth? You mean Earth-That-Was? You know somebody there? Shepherd Book says nobody's on Earth-That-Was, not anymore. [/Private] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	franksunderland 2008-06-08 03:58 am UTC (link)
	When I was on Earth, it still... was. They year was 2004... but I imagine you don't count years the same way anymore. It may not even be the same Earth... this place is odd that way. But this Shepherd Book told you the truth I imagine. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	pyro_madness 2008-05-13 01:53 pm UTC (link)
	Heyya, River. Um... what did you, she, call him... the one with the perfect teeth? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-05-17 02:40 am UTC (link)
	Who told you he had perfect teeth? She would never say that. He had perfect teeth. Not perfect, but with the kind of mistakes you can easily overlook, easily tolerate, easily love. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	silverknight 2008-05-13 04:28 pm UTC (link)
	bows Yes, three-sided numbers are the best, though I am more inclined to love primes. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lilsoulbigworld 2008-05-17 02:41 am UTC (link)
	She likes three-sided numbers the best. Triangular numbers always make sense, no matter how many times they are derived. (Reply to this) (Parent)